Today, we’re going to explore the concept of justified anger. Justified anger can be fuel for nervous system dysregulation. For people that are prone to chronic stress and nervous system dysregulation, being hurt by another or being in a situation that provokes anger, one can feel justified to ruminate in this state, often thinking, “They wronged me. I get to be mad!”. Let’s explore justified anger and how to self soothe to find calm again.
Anger is a healthy normal emotion that arises to protect the parts of us that are hurt. Often when one experiences anger that they feel is justified because someone hurt or wronged them, it can bring up past resentments where they didn’t get a chance to express their anger or hurt feelings. The thought can be, “I deserve to be mad. I get to be upset. See what they did to me!”. Past resentments flood in and project on to the situation, creating a flurry of difficult feelings and no relief from attempts to quell the anger.
In moving out of a dysregulated state that was ignited by justified anger, the first step is nonjudgmental awareness. Witnessing your emotional state can help bring a level of detachment that promotes gaining a broader perspective. From this bird’s eye view, one has more ease in finding insight, resolution, and clarity.
Then, ask yourself these questions:
When was a time I felt this way in the past?
Am I bringing in past resentment to this current situation?
What is it that I need in this moment?
What part of me is hurting?
How does it feel from the other person’s perspective?
What part of them is hurting?
Take some time to ask yourself these questions in silent reflection. At Counselling Kenya, we always start with honoring our feelings and listening in to what they are trying to tell us. Set up an appointment with your CK therapist to discuss this topic more.
Want to talk to a therapist about your anger? Visit our website to book an appointment using our calendly here: