By the word self-confidence we mean: ‘Self-worth’, ‘Self-confidence’, ‘Self-efficacy’.
In a few words, self-confidence is the general image that a person has of himself in terms of his identity, social role, profession, appearance, hobbies, and personality traits.
When we say that someone has low self-confidence, we mean people who do not trust their own abilities and depend too much on the opinion of others. They avoid taking responsibility and initiatives because they fear failure. They do not accept themselves as they are and feel that they must always be flexible and polite in order to be accepted.
Why low self-confidence?
When we are young we develop core beliefs about ourselves, the world, and those around us. These beliefs influence our feelings and attitudes about various things. If a person’s past messages (“You’re not good at anything!”) and experiences were negative (being made fun of at school), then their “rules”/beliefs will also be negative (eg “I’m dumb” , “if someone criticizes me, it means I failed”)Most of the time, low self-confidence is a consequence of other problems, such as mood (e.g. depression) or experiences (early or recent).For example, if in their childhood they were severely criticized by school/friends, and parents may have been overly demanding of them or overprotective and hindered their independence, then this person will definitely have some issues with his self-image. Recent experiences also play a big role in low self-confidence. If the environment at work, or the relationships (romantic or friendly) of the person, are not characterized by praise or compliments, are unbalanced and put the person in a disadvantageous position, then it will definitely affect one’s self-esteem.
People with low self-esteem only feel safe if others love them without judging or rejecting them. They feel important when others recognize them for doing their job very well or succeeding in their plans. Deep down they believe that in order to be worthy and accepted by others they should not have flaws and make mistakes. Due to the sensitivity that characterizes them, they often feel hurt, disturbed and angry by the opinions and criticisms of others.Lack of self-confidence does not mean that they have low abilities but that they compare their actual abilities with an ideal self or with the unrealistic expectations of people or social groups that are important to them.
How can Cognitive Behavioral Therapy help me?
Because the above psychotherapy focuses on the important role of thought in how we feel and what we do, when it comes to low self-esteem the goal is to reveal the negative beliefs/beliefs one has about oneself. For example ‘I’m unworthy’, ‘I’m stupid’, ‘I’m fat and ugly’, ‘I don’t deserve to be loved’, ‘I’m insignificant’ etc. Then we see when they are activated e.g. at work, on a date, a presentation, and how it affects him (behaviorally and emotionally).The result is to understand that different situations are not to blame for how we feel, but the way we think about them. In the case of low self-confidence, the person believes that this is the truth and not that it is only his own opinion. We educate about bias and how it can affect one’s perception of oneself and how one interprets situations. For example, such a person notices anything that is in line with their negative self-ideas or that they don’t like about themselves eg:’my nose is too big”I’m not talkative enough”I failed again 100% and failed’As a result, he does not recognize his abilities, qualifications, achievements and concentrates only on his mistakes and not on what he has achieved. As for how he explains various situations (interpretations), he falsifies and gives meaning to them based on the idea/belief he has about himself e.g. Compliment: he didn’t even pay attention or think ‘he’s just being nice to me because he wants something’. Just because we have certain beliefs, doesn’t mean we’re always right, or that we’re always right. By learning, therefore, how our thinking is distorted, we can try to change it, that is, to think more realistically and balanced and to handle our disturbance and self-image in a better way.
Find your way forward with CBT today. Call 0741123944 for more information