You Don't Have to Simply Accept Divorce or Separation. Even if they packed things and went. Lets Talk!
If your partner left, you might have dissolved into a pile of tears, begging them to come back to you, and calling or texting them constantly with love notes only to get the cold shoulder.
Or maybe you're just anxious thinking, "What do I do, what do I do?" Grasping at all your legal options and thinking about how to retaliate.
You may not completely understand why they would throw away such a wonderful relationship...or you may realize that things were not so good and now you regret all of things you did or didn't do to be a good partner.
You've tried everything you know how to win them back but nothing seems to work.
Your calls go unanswered.
Your romantic gestures are completely ignored or worse yet laughed at. It's the worst when they tell you they don't love you anymore and you should move on.
You tell them you love them and receive no reply. Their coldness cuts you like a knife.
When they brought the kids over or they came to pick up their stuff you thought that maybe a glimpse of you would change their mind...that maybe, just maybe, your eyes would meet and love would spark once again with old memories.
But your fantasies are cruel and nothing you hoped for has happened. Yet, you need a new plan. You need to try something different so maybe a Hail Mary attempt can turn things around.
This is a crucial time and you may only have one shot to get this right, so let me walk you through how to approach your spouse or partner when they have left you and you want to get them back and into counseling.
1. The goal of your conversation needs to be all about listening to them and their needs.
2. Then you must reiterate to them that your goal for going to counseling is NOT to beg them to stay or come back to you.
3. Your goal for this entire process is to support them in whatever decision they make.
4. Do not talk a mile a minute. Write down the overwhelming thoughts and work out what you want to say BEFORE you have the conversation with them. Have the difficult conversations in the session with the counselor.
5. Do not attempt to bring up the problems without guidance because you may only have one shot.
You want to say, “I love you, but I want you to be happy and if being happy means you have to be apart, you don’t want that, but you will do it for them, so they can find what they need”. Listen. Don't talk. Don't blame. Don't demand. Listen.
Say, "I am really sad that you are hurting. I want to do what I can to help you not hurt anymore. I think counseling will help me, help you."
If you have children you need to let your partner know that it would be really important for the kids to see mom and dad getting along so they don’t blame themselves.
Do not beg. Do not plead.
If they decide to not come to counseling you must come on your own. If you need to do a phone call, Skype, or FaceTime. Do it.
If you have felt even the slightest bit like what I described above you are not alone. We can help you in your situation either save your relationship and bring them back and/or move forward into an even better future.
It all depends on if you follow our instructions very closely and whether they ultimately decide to come back.
The good news is, we've seen people turn around the worst situations and save their relationship, so there is hope for you my friend.
The counseling community is kind of like the medical community but also quite different.
Doctors go to medical school and when they come out if they want to be a pediatrist, OBGYN, or cardiologist they have to have specialized training before they ever cut you open, right? It's their legal duty.
Well in the counseling community there are two extremes, on one hand we have relationship coaches who are not required to have any training, education, or license...so anyone can call themselves a coach.
Then there are professional counselors like us who have degrees, supervision, continuing education, licenses, and we're governed by the state.
But what the state says is "if you don't FEEL like you can help them, then you should refer them out"...but counselors are wonderful people who want to help. They also need clients so they see everything.
The average counselor will see kids, teenager, families, 10 different individual issues and then they sort of stick two people in a room and call it couples counseling. They try to do the same thing to help couples as they do with every other issue that walks into their office.
That is why we decided to focus on one thing. Therapists become jack of all trades and are not able to acquire the training and skill set necessary to really help couples succeed and succeed long term.
We know that the research surrounding our methods show that 90% of the couples maintain their improvement even 3 years after they finish.
So our couples get better and STAY better.
The reason we are so highly reviewed is because we get results. You see a difference very early on and if you follow our plan for you, you will increase your success exponentially.
We have successfully helped hundreds of couples. If you want to be able to communicate with your spouse in a way that feels like they really get you, if you want to trust each other with the deepest part of your heart so you can relax again, and feel close emotionally and physically and feel deeply madly in love with each other again...we can help you!