Menopause: The Beginning of a new era

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Nerves, tension, and comments like “you don’t understand me!” we often hear from the woman who is going through menopause… She often breaks up with her partner, and their love life is also affected because of what she is going through. The more you know about the menopausal woman and the new life circumstances that arise, the better you will be able to understand these upcoming changes. 

Menopause usually occurs between the ages of 45 – 55, and marks the beginning of a new era in every woman’s life.

She no longer worries about her period or getting pregnant. Her ovaries stop producing estrogen, causing changes in the hormonal balance of the female body.

Physical changes:

One of the most common and immediate is vaginal dryness, which is a major problem that makes intercourse difficult. In short, the vagina does not get blood normally and its normal moisture is reduced, which is why sexual intercourse is painful. 

A woman may feel intense sexual desire, but due to reduced or non-existent vaginal lubrication, penile penetration may be difficult and particularly painful for her, with the result that the pain prevails over her erotic mood.

Other physical changes are:

-Hot flashes 

-Postsexual pain due to uterine contractions

– Small leakage of urine during sex 

All these symptoms become additional obstacles, and this can cause them to start avoiding contact. 

Psychological changes:

Many times they are the problem. The reason is because of the changes she goes through in her hormonal system that significantly alter her psycho-emotional world.

First of all, her love behavior seems to be affected.. She shows a drop in love mood and assertiveness, which she herself experiences as if she has no desire for love contact. She sometimes feels that having sex is a chore and under pressure from her partner. Due to hormonal changes, it is common for the vagina to become dry, and to feel more vulnerable to pain that limits her mood and desire for love.

More or less, all of this may at first worry and frighten her, giving her the impression, and also her man, that the possibility of a good sexual relationship is slowly being lost. Almost one in two menopausal women experience this change and a decrease in their libido in the first 3-5 years of menopause.

However, the woman must accept this decrease in her erotic moods as a normal situation caused by the hormonal and biological substrate, bearing in mind that this can change and her erotic desire can function satisfactorily again after some time. She should not compare herself to other younger women, nor copy them. 

You, the husband, should also be aware of these changes. Try not to stress and pressure her by belittling her in your anger, spouting phrases and words (‘you’re old’, ‘I don’t understand what’s wrong with you’, ‘you’ve become cold’), which hurt her even more by making her believe that he paid off now romantically. So great is the test in the relationship, that distancing and blaming each other (‘you made me feel this way, your mind is all over there’) bring intense conflict, perhaps even a ‘third party’ to the marriage . Therefore, you should both know that menopause brings to a woman the first period, a significant decrease in her love moods.

Another characteristic of this period is the preoccupation with her body, which is no longer so tight and provocative, and she feels that the mirror is not on her side. Many begin to feel that they are no longer attractive as their bodies change with age, while others have partners who lose interest in sex or the ability to perform as they once did. It would be good for them to start accepting their nature and age with a body that yes, it is right to take care of it, exercise, and improve it, but always in the context of the age they are at.

Also, there are many nerves and some women find it difficult to adapt to this new life, as a result of which they fall into depression and a distance is created from their partner. 

Women aged 45 and 55 are beautiful and impressive, having exactly that expressive charm that their own age possesses. Their love life is certainly influenced and changed, but it still exists…

How can I deal with menopause? 

The classic treatment is that of hormones, which today is done with tablets (by mouth), transdermal patches, vaginal inserts and ointments. If you do not want to undergo such a treatment, there are also many products available in pharmacies that can effectively help with the problem of vaginal dryness. These are special lubricating creams and gels that keep moisture in the vagina for several hours, as long as they are applied before each intercourse.

To clean the sensitive area, do not forget to use soaps and foam baths that do not irritate and do not have a strong antiseptic effect. You also prefer cotton underwear.

Some experts claim that sexual arousal and satisfaction can also be improved by the use of the antidepressant bupropion. 

It is also very important that the woman does not lead a sedentary life. 

Finally, frequent sexual intercourse may improve the situation, as studies have shown that women who have frequent sex have more vaginal lubrication compared to those who rarely have sexual intercourse.

Note : Women can have an orgasm, but typically need more immediate, more intense, and more prolonged clitoral stimulation. There is a decrease in the intensity of the orgasm and painful contractions of the uterus after it. 

All this information would be good for you to know, but also to inform your partner, because you will need his cooperation and support in this. Don’t forget that he too will surely go through his own issues, as far as physical changes and a decrease in sexual desire (if they are close to the same age) are concerned. You don’t have to go through it alone. You need his support and he will definitely help you psychologically so that you don’t feel bad about your son. 

If your mood gets out of control, it would be good to consult a specialist. 

At Counselling Kenya, our team of dedicated mental health specialists use tried and tested methods that address the root cause of relationship and mental health issues. To make an appointment with one of our licensed therapists, call 0741123944.

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