The mother is a very important figure for her son. Their relationship is very special, something like a father-daughter relationship. A little boy may admire and imitate the father in the way he communicates with others, how he shows his feelings, how he reacts to situations, but it is the mother who will teach him how to be a loving and thoughtful man.
It shows him how he should behave on the other card and what he too should ask and expect from women. This maternal love makes the son feel strong, confident and in balance in his life. She is his idol, and that is why he may often compare his girlfriend to his mom (unconsciously but also consciously).
Balance
When this love turns into possessiveness, then the difficult things begin.. This usually happens when a woman enters her son’s life as his partner. The mother begins to feel insecure and that someone is taking her place. The prevailing belief is that ‘No woman can take care of my son as I know’. She begins and observes how the housework, meals are done, and worries about her son’s happiness. The ideal is supposed to be that you raise your children, they become adults and independent people and they too move to their own place where they can take care of themselves. Too often we see men dependent on their mom, and mothers who allow this. They just don’t say to cut the umbilical cord. That’s when she needs her son to reassure her that no one can take her place and how special she is and will be to him. In order for there to be harmony in their relationship, both must make an effort. The mother must stop ‘holding’ him and understand that she cannot intervene in his life, but be there for him if he needs her. The son, on the other hand, should not take her for granted and take advantage of her love. Don’t forget to treat her with respect and appreciation, even though he knows that whatever he says or does to her, she will forgive him. In a balanced mother-son relationship, there is communication, trust and respect and not exploitation and imposition of our personal feelings to satisfy our own needs. In order for there to be harmony in their relationship, both must make an effort. The mother must stop ‘holding’ him and understand that she cannot intervene in his life, but be there for him if he needs her. The son, on the other hand, should not take her for granted and take advantage of her love. Don’t forget to treat her with respect and appreciation, even though he knows that whatever he says or does to her, she will forgive him. In a balanced mother-son relationship, there is communication, trust and respect and not exploitation and imposition of our personal feelings to satisfy our own needs. In order for there to be harmony in their relationship, both must make an effort. The mother must stop ‘holding’ him and understand that she cannot intervene in his life, but be there for him if he needs her. The son, on the other hand, should not take her for granted and take advantage of her love. Don’t forget to treat her with respect and appreciation, even though he knows that whatever he says or does to her, she will forgive him. In a balanced mother-son relationship, there is communication, trust and respect and not exploitation and imposition of our personal feelings to satisfy our own needs. but to be there for him if he needs her. The son, on the other hand, should not take her for granted and take advantage of her love. Don’t forget to treat her with respect and appreciation, even though he knows that whatever he says or does to her, she will forgive him. In a balanced mother-son relationship, there is communication, trust and respect and not exploitation and imposition of our personal feelings to satisfy our own needs. but to be there for him if he needs her. The son, on the other hand, should not take her for granted and take advantage of her love. Don’t forget to treat her with respect and appreciation, even though he knows that whatever he says or does to her, she will forgive him. In a balanced mother-son relationship, there is communication, trust and respect and not exploitation and imposition of our personal feelings to satisfy our own needs.
Relationship difficulties:
- Communication
Respect your son’s need to be distant and avoid conversations about how he feels about something.
Boys communicate very differently than girls. Don’t approach him the same way you would approach your daughter. Start a conversation slowly and carefully and watch for his way of talking. Don’t overreact. Be patient and understanding if it takes time to reach him. He must choose when to speak.
- Confidence
Give him your full attention and let him know that you care about what he has to say. Be ready to answer any of his questions, no matter how silly, and remember that he is younger, and that he is just starting to have experiences. Don’t make him feel insignificant. - Behavior
An important role for a healthy mother-son relationship is played by the good example you show him. Actions always speak louder than words. You cannot, for example, tell him to eat his vegetables while you are eating chocolate. If you want your son to treat others with respect, take responsibility for his actions, and be trustworthy, then you should do some things to guide him along that path. The best way for her to learn to respect other women is for mom to demand respect for herself. Ask him to help you with the shopping, to open the door for you when you are struggling, not to swear or be disrespectful to you. Give him more responsibilities around the house, not just ‘taking out the trash’ which is once a week.
Tips for mothers who are now single
-Don’t try to replace your ex-partner/spouse with your son. Don’t tell him ‘You’re the man of the house now’. Apart from the fact that it is unfair for him to have such a responsibility, some boys think so, and may be seen as an obstacle to a future love affair of the mother since ‘I am the man of the house and I don’t like anyone else in this house’.
-Don’t see him as your close trusted friend. You teach him that he must take responsibility for a woman’s needs, that he must do something about her pain, and that all women always need someone to help them. Later in his relationships he will not treat them with respect and will leave when problems arise.
At Counselling Kenya, our team of dedicated mental health specialists use tried and tested methods that address the root cause mental wellness issues. To make an appointment with one of our licensed therapists, call 0741123944